An anniversary dinner can pass in talk about the food, the kids, and next week. The year itself, the one you’re marking, doesn’t come up. Ten anniversary questions and one word on a card give the evening a part that’s about the two of you.
This post is for couples marking a year together, whether it’s the first or the twentieth. It gives you a format in three parts: a word to open, ten questions about the year, and a closing round. You can play with the Thesis deck, the free online table, or a word written on the back of the menu.
Why the year gets skipped
On marriage forums, couples ask the same things before an anniversary. Newlyweds wonder whether a first anniversary is worth celebrating at all. Others say a card would be enough for them, as long as the day is noticed. Couples married for decades ask for new ideas.
The request in that second kind of post is small: notice the day. A conversation about the year is one way to notice it. It’s easy to skip, because nobody plans it. The dinner gets booked. The conversation gets left to chance.
A set of questions solves the planning part. A word solves the starting part. Saying “Let’s talk about our year” out loud can feel like a test. Turning a card over feels like a game.
What looking back does
Two lines of research fit an anniversary evening, with limits.
The first is about memories. Wildschut and colleagues ran seven studies on nostalgia. Nostalgic memories tended to center on the self with close others or at important life events. In their studies, nostalgia also strengthened social bonds and raised positive feelings (Wildschut et al. 2006). The participants weren’t couples at an anniversary, so read this as a reason to try it, not a promise.
The second is about thanks. Algoe, Gable, and Maisel tracked both partners in committed couples day by day. Feeling grateful for something the partner did went with more connection and satisfaction with the relationship, and the link showed up even the next day (Algoe et al. 2010). The study tracked daily ups and downs, so it shows a link, not proof that thanks causes the change. The study looked at small, everyday moments. An anniversary is a good night to name a few of them from the whole year.
Setting up the evening
- Place. Home after dinner, or the restaurant table once the plates are cleared.
- The deck. 50 double-sided cards. One side holds an idea, the other an everyday thing. The game is made for 2–6 players, so two is a full game.
- The die. You fold it from a card into a six-sided prism and roll it like a pencil. Its faces are six plain words: MEMORIES · BODY · PEOPLE · VALUES · CHILDHOOD · FUTURE. The only instruction is “Look at the word from that side.”
- No deck. Open the online table on a phone between you. It draws, flips and rolls.
- Passing. The rules open with “Before you start, agree together how passing works.” Agree that either of you can pass without a reason.
Part one: open with a word
Draw one card and choose a side. Roll the die and look at the word from that side. Say as much or as little as feels right. Your partner asks what they’re curious about, then it’s their turn.
Three cards suit an anniversary well.
Nostalgia has Key on its other side. The idea side points to a memory, and the year you’re marking is full of them. Key can go somewhere concrete: the keys to a first shared apartment, a key you lost on a trip, a key you gave each other. Either side can lead to the day you met.
Gratitude has Fence on its other side. The idea side is a direct way into thanking your partner for something specific from this year. If saying thanks head-on feels stiff, take Fence. A fence you built, painted, or argued about can carry the same thanks inside a story.
Tradition has Fridge on its other side. Couples can build small traditions without naming them: the same breakfast on Sundays, a song on long drives. This card can bring up which ones you’ve kept this year, and which ones started without anyone deciding. The fridge door, with its magnets and notes, is a record of the year in its own way.
Part two: ten anniversary questions
After the first word, move to the year. Take turns, one question each. Both of you answer every question you pick. Skip any that don’t fit this year.
- What’s one ordinary day from this year you’d live again?
- When did you feel most like a team this year?
- What’s one thing I did this year that you’re grateful for?
- What’s something you learned about me this year?
- Which place from this year do you want to go back to?
- What was the hardest week, and what got us through it?
- What habit of ours started this year?
- What did you stop worrying about this year?
- What do you want more of next year?
- If this year had a title, what would it be?
Question 3 turns the gratitude research into a prompt. It asks for one specific act from the year. Question 6 can bring up a hard time. A pass counts here too.
After each answer, use one of the follow-ups from the rule card:
What did that feel like? Who else was there? Has it always meant that to you?
The third one works well on an anniversary. A word like home or family can mean something different after a year together than it did before.
Part three: the last round
“Play for as long as it feels good.” You can spend the whole evening on one card or go through all ten questions. Both count. The rule card puts it this way: “Sometimes one word is enough.”
End the way every game of Thesis ends. “When the group is ready to stop, finish with one last round: each player names one thing they discovered about someone at the table today.”
With two players, that’s your partner. On an anniversary, it’s a short answer to a long question: what’s new about this person after another year.
If your partner isn’t keen
If your partner would rather skip the questions, start with the card alone. Draw it, read the word, and say your own answer first. Keep it short. “A short answer is a full answer. You can always ask for more.” One word and two answers can be the whole conversation, and the dinner goes on as planned.
Before the next anniversary
Write down the title each of you gave the year in question 10. Keep it in the card box or in a note on your phone. Next year, read the old titles before you start. It gives the evening a first memory to look back at.
See the rules and the box. The cards above have their own pages: Nostalgia, Gratitude and Tradition. For more on playing as a couple, see Thesis for couples. The research behind the deck explains where the words came from. For a format you can repeat every week, see the weekly couples check-in.