You’ve watched a movie in sync, cooked the same recipe in two kitchens, and played every quiz app on your phones. On long-distance forums, couples describe the same arc: each call activity works for a while, then it wears out, and they’re back to asking for new ideas. Others ask for a game that works over a call and goes past the same repeated deep questions.
This post is for couples who live apart and want a game that gives every call a new start. It shows three ways to set up Thesis on a video call, how one turn goes, and which words fit two people in two time zones. It’s free in a browser. If you’d rather skip the screen, one word written on a sticky note works too.
What the game is
Thesis is a deck of 50 double-sided cards: an idea on one side, an everyday thing on the other. On your turn, you pick a side, roll a die, and say what the word brings up. The die has six faces: MEMORIES · BODY · PEOPLE · VALUES · CHILDHOOD · FUTURE. Look at the word from that side.
A game is made for 2–6 players, so two people on a call is a full game. The rule card closes its steps with one line: “There are no right answers.”
Three ways to set up the call
The setup depends on who has what.
- One shared screen. One of you opens the online table and shares the screen. You both see the same card and the same roll. The person sharing clicks for both turns.
- Two screens, one turn each. Each of you opens the online table on your own device. Each screen shuffles its own deck, so each person draws their own card on their turn and reads both sides aloud.
- One box, one die on screen. If one of you has the printed deck, that person draws and holds the card to the camera. The other rolls the die on screen and says the face.
The shared screen is the simplest when one of you is on a laptop. The two-screen setup suits two phones, since sharing a phone screen can hide the video.
One turn, step by step
Before the first card, agree how passing works. The rules open with that line: “Before you start, agree together how passing works.” On a call, a pass can be a word in the chat or a shake of the head. Step 2 gives a second way out: choose the card’s other side, and the turn keeps going.
Then play the six steps from the rule card:
- Whoever suggested the game goes first.
- Draw a card. Choose a side: the idea or the thing.
- Roll the die.
- Look at the word from that side. Say as much or as little as feels right.
- The others ask what they’re curious about, gently, without judging.
- Pass the die to the left.
With two people, step 6 means the other person goes next. Video lag can make you both start talking at once. Let the person whose turn it is talk until they stop, then ask. The rule card gives three short, open follow-ups:
What did that feel like? Who else was there? Has it always meant that to you?
Why a word holds up longer than a list
A list of questions has an end. After a few calls, you’ve answered all of them, and the ones left feel like an exam. A word is open in two ways. The same card reads differently on each side, and each die face sends it in a new direction. Rest on PEOPLE and Rest on FUTURE can lead to two different stories, and each of you takes the word somewhere else.
Couples apart already lean on talk. In a diary study, Jiang and Hancock found that long-distance couples made more adaptive self-disclosures and formed more idealized views of their partner than couples who lived close, and both were linked to greater intimacy. The effects varied with the medium: how many cues it carried, whether it was live, and whether it was mobile (Jiang and Hancock 2013). A video call is live and carries face and voice, which is one reason to play there and not over text.
High ratings and staying together can move apart. In a nationally representative sample of 870 people, those in long-distance relationships reported higher relationship quality and more dedication than those who lived close. By follow-up, they were as likely to have broken up (Kelmer et al. 2013). The study doesn’t test why.
Three cards for a long-distance call
These three words fit two people who live apart, and each has an easy object side for a tired evening.
Play has Laptop on its other side. The laptop may be the thing you’re holding during the call. On the object side, it can lead to the first laptop you owned, the late-night calls it carried, or the desk it sits on in a room your partner hasn’t seen. On the idea side, Play can lead to what each of you did for fun at 10, and what you’d do together if you were in the same city tonight.
Rest has Clock on its other side. Two time zones make the clock part of every call: one of you is waking up while the other is winding down. The object side can start there. The idea side can open what rest looks like for each of you, which is useful to know when you’re planning a visit.
Loneliness has Perfume on its other side. It’s the heaviest of the three, so it may fit a call with time and energy. Talking about loneliness can show whether you each feel the distance at the same moments. Perfume is the gentler door: a smell that reminds one of you of the other, or a scent from a place you grew up.
Questions for a long-distance call
If you want a warm-up before the first card, pick one word and use it in these. They go from light to deeper:
- Where did this word show up in your day today?
- What’s an object in your room that reminds you of it?
- What did it mean to you before we met?
- Who in your family would answer this differently from you?
- Has the distance changed what it means to you?
- What does it look like in your city compared to mine?
- What would it mean in the first week we live in one place?
- What would you want it to mean in five years?
Two or three are enough for one call. Follow each one with Has it always meant that to you?
Ending the call
Play for as long as it feels good. When you’re ready to stop, close with the last round from the rule card: “each player names one thing they discovered about someone at the table today.” On a call, the table is the screen, and with two players it’s one thing each about the other.
Then name the next call. A fixed slot each week can help a call feel less like an errand. For a format built around that, see the weekly couples check-in.
Try it on your next call
Before you dial, open the online table and draw one card to see how it looks. On the call, agree how passing works, and let whoever suggested the game go first. The cards above have their own pages: Play, Rest and Loneliness. More on playing as two is on Thesis for couples, and the research behind the deck covers the studies. To see the printed cards and the fold-up die, read the rules and the box. For a call with a group of friends, see an online game night with friends.