Why Love is in the deck
Love reaches partners, and it also reaches parents, kids, friends and whoever raised you. Everyone at the table has a version of it, and the versions rarely match.
How people read it differently
In some families, “I love you” is said every day, at the door and on the phone. In others, the words are rare and love shows up as food, help and small acts. An essay on Asian immigrant families describes that second kind of home, where care is shown far more than it’s said (Mic).
Put two people from those two homes on a date, and one of them may wait years to hear a sentence the other thinks they’ve been saying all along.
Couples research points to the small moments too. The Gottman Institute writes about “bids”: a remark, a look, a request for attention, and whether the other person turns toward it (Gottman). For one player, love is the big word. For another, it’s whether someone looked up when they spoke.
The other side: Candle
Flip the card and you get a Candle. It was picked for birthdays, memorials, power cuts and dinners. A candle story can be about a cake or a vigil. Love and Candle were paired by a random draw. Some players will find a link between them. Some won’t, and that’s fine.
How to play this card
Draw the card. Choose a side: Love or Candle. Roll the die. Look at the word from that side.
The die has six faces: MEMORIES, BODY, PEOPLE, VALUES, CHILDHOOD, FUTURE. Say as much or as little as feels right. A short answer is a full answer.
The others can follow up, gently, without judging. Good questions are short and open: What did that feel like? Who else was there? Has it always meant that to you?
Two players is enough for a game, so this card works on a date night at home as well as at a bigger table.
Keep going
Love sits in the Relationships cluster with Family, Jealousy and Forgiveness. To try a round now, open the online table. To get the printed deck, see Thesis. The sources behind the words are on the research page.