Why Shame is in the deck
Shame is a deep word that everyone knows from the inside. It’s also often hidden. An Australian survey on loneliness, reported by ABC News, found that many people feel ashamed of being lonely and don’t talk about it (ABC News). A feeling that stays quiet that often is worth a card.
The deck once had Guilt as well. It was replaced by Community because it sat too close to Shame and Regret.
How people read it differently
Shame attaches to different things for different players. For some it’s about the body. For some it’s about money or an accent. For others it’s a single moment they still replay.
The same thing can bring shame to one person and pride to another. Writing about immigrant kids and their school lunches describes the “lunchbox moment”: heritage food that brought shame to some children and pride to others (The Counter). Players sometimes find that something they once hid is now something they’d tell a table about.
Shame can be heavy. Players choose how far to go, and a short answer is a full answer.
The other side: Letter
The back of the card is a Letter. In a forum thread about clearing out a late mother’s things, one person kept an old address book “because it’s her handwriting” (Mumsnet). The Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb keeps a first-love letter from Sarajevo (National Geographic). Fewer people write letters now, so the Letter side may bring a note in a lunchbox, a card from a grandparent, or a message someone never sent.
How to play this card
Draw the card. Choose a side: Shame or Letter. Roll the die. Look at the word from that side.
MEMORIES, BODY, PEOPLE, VALUES, CHILDHOOD, FUTURE: wherever it lands, say as much or as little as feels right.
The others ask what they’re curious about, gently, without judging: What did that feel like? Who else was there? Has it always meant that to you?
What is said at the table stays at the table.
Related words
From the Self cluster: Loneliness, Regret, Anger. Play the free online game, see the deck, or read the research.